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Actual Books
Who Hates Whom:
Well-Armed Fanatics,
Intractable Conflicts,
and Various Things Blowing Up
A Woefully Incomplete Guide™
“Revelatory... Harris's sly wit and infectious curiosity make understanding world chaos fascinating... witty, horrific, and necessary.”
-- Boston Globe
"Brave... irreverent... charges into the thick of the globe's myriad simmering wars... hilariously relaxed."
-- New York Observer
“Fascinating, enlightening, and surprisingly: NOT TOTALLY DEPRESSING.”
-- John Hodgman,
author, The Areas of My Expertise and correspondent for The Daily Show
"A rollicking ride of intellectual discovery and emotional growth... his comic timing never fails"
-- The Wall Street Journal
"A surprisingly touching memoir"
-- Entertainment Weekly
"Effortlessly funny and informative... tender, human, and very wise... A must for anyone who loves Jeopardy!, or has ever seen it, or is breathing."
-- Joss Whedon, creator, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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I've got a backlog of travel notes from dashing madly again around
London, several chunks of Ireland, and now Copenhagen, but before I try
to catch up with those, here are a few last thoughts on this last pass
through Canada, much-enjoyed homeland of Tim Bits, quality
documentaries, and this site's own much-appreciated tech sergeant:
During my brief Air-Canada-compelled incarceration
in a Montreal airport hotel room, I tried to bore myself to sleep by
watching the TV's closed-circuit channel containing flight arrivals and
departures. But instead of nodding off, I became fascinated to learn
there were so many airlines I'd never heard of (AirTrans, Air Georgian,
WestJet, Zoom Airlines, Air St. Pierre, Air Inuit, CanJet, Creebec Air)
going to so many places I didn't know existed (Kuujuaq, Punta Cana,
Pointe-A-Pitre, Bagotville, Puumituq, Rouyn, Deer Lake, Chibo), all so
near to my home country and yet invisible from where I usually sit.
Sure, these are probably tiny carriers with a handful of planes flying
heavily-subsidized routes to Nunavut or some such. But still: I do not
know. There is a lot about my own home continent I still know nothing
about.
Someday I would like to fly Zoom Airlines to Bagotville. I really would.
It sounds like something A.A. Milne or Shel Silverstein might have invented.
I bet there are big blowy kazooters going Ah-OO-gah!
on each wing. And the in-flight snack is a Bubblerumbling Humblegum, a
sort of candy that makes you burp out personal secrets every time you
chew.
Another thing I do not know: how to begin even the simplest
conversation in Montreal. This was perhaps my tenth visit, and no
matter what, I still lose: if I begin in English, the other person
almost always responds as if I should have been speaking French, and if
I begin in French, the other person responds in English.
Was there a meeting I didn't hear about? Is this a plan from the Chambre du Commerce to isolate the province into independence, hoping to off de piss people assez que personne ne plus venir without a written guarantee of a limo, two young cheerleaders, and a plate of cold cuts?
I never have this problem elsewhere in Quebec, much less in, say, France.
Hell, no. In France, they simply look at me as if I have a large gob
of snot on my forehead, no matter what I say or do, and we proceed
amiably from there. At least they're consistent about it. That's all
I'm saying.
Changing subjects...
True fact: according to a story I read in the National Post
(no online access to the story, unfortunately), there is a serial
killer loose in Alberta. However, the police are loathe to actually
use the term "serial killer."
Instead, they prefer the term "serial offender." One whose offense is killing people. Serially.
Semantics: an essential part of quality police work.
Finally, it appears that mismanagement seems to be mucking with our
dear friends' cherished national health care system. As a result, a
recent series of polls (reported in that same
only-damn-paper-to-read-for-six-hours issue of the National Post) have determined that a majority of Canadians:
a) want to be able to buy private health care, and
b) think private health care should be banned outright.
Which means, of course, that all the pollsters have really determined
here is that Canadians are the most amazingly agreeable people on the
planet. Sizeable minorities would probably assent to being doused in
kerosene and tossed from a bridge if it was asked politely by a nice
fellow who sounded like he could use a bit of hot soup.
With any luck, the executives at Air Canada will be at the top of the pollster's list.
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