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Who Hates Whom:
Well-Armed Fanatics,
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“Revelatory... Harris's sly wit and infectious curiosity make understanding world chaos fascinating... witty, horrific, and necessary.”
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-- New York Observer
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author, The Areas of My Expertise and correspondent for The Daily Show
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-- The Wall Street Journal
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 On Craigslists all over the country, you can actually find a growing industry of people buying and selling positions in the waiting line to buy one. The going rate for a place in line seems to be $200 and up.
I kid you not.
I should disclose that I retain a small investment in the company myself. In fairness, let me also point out that users still have many of the unanswered questions from the phone's initial announcement, among which remain:
• How badly will the iPhone’s touch-sensitive screen smudge? Because I am pretty greasy.
• Will the iPhone be able to synch wirelessly with my computer or another iPhone? If two or more users touch our iPhones together, will it multiply our powers?
• Where can I buy powers? Please, please sell powers as an add-on.
• I heard Steve Jobs’s iPhone includes a Taser. What about the rest of us – do we get Tasers, too? The cellphone/Taser would be a killer app.
• How will my greasy hands affect Taser performance? Because I am pretty greasy.
• How many iPhones would it take to repel a wild baboon? I had a bad experience with a baboon.
• The proximity sensor that turns the touchscreen off when you bring the iPhone near your head to talk – what about a user who doesn’t have a head?
• There’s nowhere for me to plug in my Zip drive.
• The battery is now rated at 8 hours of talk, 6 hours of Internet browsing, or 7 hours of video playback. How long will the battery last when repelling baboons?
• Hey, maybe I can download powers through iTunes.
• If I’m Tasering baboons with the iPhone, and a call comes in, is there a speakerphone?
• The touchscreen – does that only work with fingers, or any body part? Because I download a lot of porn.
• The built-in camera seems only to work in the visible light spectrum. Come on, Apple. Think of the user experience.
• I hear Microsoft is working on a cellphone with X-Ray Spex built in.
• The built-in Google Maps – will that help me see baboons as they gather?
• If I’m downloading porn and I rotate the phone into landscape mode, the iPod video thing won’t kick in, will it? Because if I’m looking at porn and suddenly there’s Dwight from The Office, I am using the self-destruct.
Update, Monday evening: the thing won't be out for four more days... and in New York, there are already people in line.
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